Top 10...

Top 10 things I love

1. My ipod
2. my camera
3. exercising
4. hiking
5. being competitive
6. being outgoing
7. being out of my comfort zone
8. yoga yoga yoga
9. being independent
10. being in love

Total euphoria

I've had two solid weeks of dedicated exercise.  Yesterday I went on my first distance hike...6.8 miles and hilly terrain.  I enjoyed it very much.  I met the new squeeze of my old squeeze and felt nothing.  No green eyed monster to rear it's ugly head.  I like her.  She's very sweet and funny and frankly, I think she's too good for him.  I've come to realise that he's just not all that exciting, kind, or interesting other than he likes to do outdoorsy things.  He's really quite the ass. 

I lost three lbs after gaining 5lbs from last week and then losing 3...so my point is that I am now lower than my low point in a year from last week. :)  make sense?  Ok, 185.

Went for a walk with Kell today.  Day was good.  Got errands done and now cleaning what looks like a frat house.

Oh for fuck's sake!

I don't remember all the lyrics to the Star Spangled Banner.  I remember most but if I had to sing it in public, I would probably fall all over the words.  So, Christina Aguilera messes up the lyrics during the Superbowl.  I get it.  It's in public, in front of millions.  You don't do that.  I post on facebook that I wouldn't have really noticed the mess up.  I was more annoyed by her elongation of monosyllabic words than the mistake.  Jaysus christ on a cracker.  Everyone's beating their chest and bleating about being unpatriotic.  A hearty go fuck yourself to all of them in their little I'm more patriotic becuase I know the words to a song pissing match. 

Other annoyances on facebook....
Stop bitching about your kids.  You had them, you wanted them, suck it up and deal with it. Yeah, I know blah blahblah most important job in the world...blah blah blah...it's so hard....blah blah blah....I don't think Mommy humour is funny.  I think it is stupid and I think it is boring.  So is dissing your husband/wife.  It's disrespectful.

Google is your friend.  Think before you send that fwwd email out.  It's probably not true.

YEah, that's about it.

Loving my life.

2011 weather...

I think the weather is getting to everyone.  Everyone is bitchy and angry and already giving up on making the new year a good one.  It's only February 1st.  The year is not horrible.  Perhaps slow to start but it's WINTER.   I am still hanging on to my belief that this will be a spectacular year.  I know it will.  I am going to make it as such.

New year so far...

So far things have been uneventful.  I did buy myself a nice new foam mattress this January and it's been heavenly to sleep on.  I have an overnight trip planned for the Feb holiday weekend and possibly a trip for the summer.  That will be something new and out of my comfort zone. 

Last two weeks have been pretty busy with baking...yes, baking.  I baked a cake for a friend's shower and then this week I baked cupcakes for a bake sale tomorrow benefiting breast cancer awareness. 

 They're all kinds of sweetness and good.  Some turned out well and some not so well.  I'm kind of proud of the since I don't normally do this kind of thing.

Lately my thoughts are turned towards getting my house in shape.  I can't wait until it gets a little
warmer so that I can start clearing all the deadfall and making the yard look decent.  I also want to organize my garage and keep on pitching.

Happy New Year!

I love the new year.  The feeling of hope and excitement.  I went to a party (Lila's) for NYE with Sean and Amanda.  It was a good time and I was glad to have some place to be for the midnight hoopla.  I don't think I've gone anywhere since Mike and I divorced.  The day started out fabulously warm and sunny.  I had brunch with my sisters, Aunt Geri, cousin Colleen and her teen children, whom I've never met and cousin Gail whom I've only met a few times.  We had a good time talking and laughing as is usual. 

On New Year's day I fixed myself some pork loin, collard greens and black eyed peas for good luck.  I opened up the windows and clapped around my house to disperse all the stagnant energy from 2010.  And I swear it felt so much better.  I packed up 2 huge boxes of books that I will sell to half price books.  My book shelves and counter look good right now.  I am thinking of selling some things on Craig's list...some collectible dolls and I don't know what else right now. 

Today I spent the day piddling around.  Went to school to get ready for tomorrow.  I am glad to be getting back to a routine.  I thrive on routine and normalcy. 



Shelf before it was cleaned




black eyed peas and collard greens for good luck





a beautiful sunset on New Year's day captured with my cell phone





This is my shelf unit after clean up



Everything is all cleared away...

I'm ready to get the house in shape for a new year and new begining.

I looked around for a new house.  I've decided if I have to settle (and with my budget, I would have to settle) then I may as well settle here.  I will continue to make this house mine.  I like having freedom more than I like having an uppity house.  I want the freedom from worry, the freedom to go on a vacation if I want, the freedom to go on adventures around here, the freedom to buy a truck and a kayak if I want, the freedom to be able to build a nest egg...the freedom to be able to buy frivolous things like a jacuzzi.  I'm doing it. 

some photos from Holiday season 2010

Lookit what I found...How beautiful!

 I had gone into the Party Town store to find some of those little containers people use to make jello shots.  I use those containers with lids for paints at school.  I spied these as I was looking around and I had to have them.  There were four there but they were 20 bucks each.  More than I usually spend on a wine.  One is a Riesling.  Not a huge fan of white wines but I do tend to like either a Riesling or a chablis or pinot grigio (spelling?).  I don't like Chardonay.  The other wine, below, is a Grenache.  I am not familiar with that.  I hope it isn't a sweet wine but like I said, I was more interested in the art on the bottles than the wine itself. 

I do like wine.  I usually drink a Cabernet or Merlot.  A Shiraz sometimes.  Really, any of the reds will do for the most part.  I want to expand my tastes.  I know mom and Nick used to always drink Chianti or some type of Burgandy.  It's been a long time since I had Chianti.  Maybe I will pick it up again and see if my tastes had changed.  I remember I didn't care for it too much in my younger years.

  The artists name is James Jean.  http://www.jamesjean.com/



I hope the wine is as good as the art looks.



The years that have passed

Measured in eras
Before parents were gone
After parents were gone
Before I was married
While I was married
After I divorced

My life has been more eventful within the last three years than it had almost ever been.

It's only been three years.
since I stopped smoking
since I divorced

It's been 4 years already
since mom died
since mike left

It's been 8 years since bio-dad died

It's been 9 years since I met bio-dad

It's been 17 years since Nick died

It's been forever ago for so many things that happened just yesterday.

A wonderful evening...

Being a kid
playing on a play ground
eating ice cream
finding joy in a container of brazil nuts
Sharing a sweet hug and a kiss, oblivious to our surroundings.

Remembering...

I remember when I used to wish so hard it hurt...that I would turn into my street and see your car in our driveway.

I remember when I woke up everyday hoping it was all just a really bad dream.

I remember hating you for leaving.

I remember so little of our life together.

I remember the last few years feeling proud, happy, triumphant and strong.

I remember what life was like before you.

I remember me.

Love...

Today I love music by over the rhine.
Today I love the clear blue skies and warm sunshine on the lake
Today I love the cooler temperatures easing their way in. Summer's not done yet though.
Today I love spending time with friends.
Today I love my house.
Today I love my life.
Today I love.

Reviving birds...

Today I watched the cats sitting at the window, tails twitching back and forth in unison. The sparrows were feeding frantically at whatever weed seeds are in the front yard and as happens every year, one hit the window. I looked out to see the dusty brown body lying on it's back as it flopped once and went still. I trudged myself out to get it, fully expecting to be wrapping it up in paper towels and a plastic bag for the garbage but as I picked the bird up, head and body limp, I noticed he was blinking. I sat him on his belly in my hand and his feet seemed to slightly grasp on but he kept his head turned to the side and limp. I figured I would hold him and keep him warm until he passed on as it was semi cool this early afternoon. I looked for a spot in the back yard to lay him down comfortably and away from any hawks or cats. I noticed when I turned back and forth, his head would move as if he was focusing on something so I opened my hand a bit more (I wasn't holding him very tightly anyway) and petted him for a few minutes as his head began to raise up. Finally, he gathered his wits about him and he flew off into the tall ornamental grass across the yard and looked at me for a minute. He was fine, with an adventure to tell.

moments of clarity...

In moments of clarity I realise:

I would not go back and change the outcome.

I am still charmed.

I am happy.

So I will keep you around a little longer...

The summer is winding down and even though I am begining to feel the sadness of the end, I have to take the time to be grateful for such an adventurous summer. I can't remember a time when I was so free and brave to do such things as ziplining, kayaking, going out with people that I didn't know well and putting out an effort to make new friends. There was a time in my 20s where I was starting to experience this kind of confidence and growth but it went away shortly after being married. I'm proud of the things I've done this summer and the person I am becoming.

What I have accomplished this year....

1. New bedroom set
2. New dishwasher
3. New computer, that I set up myself.
4. New TV
5. Hysterectomy (not sure if it was really a goal but I've taken charge of my health)
6. Got the window in front fixed.
7. New tires
8. video camera
9. Got rid of the exercise machine
10. Digital cable
11. Finally got the paperwork changed over at work to reflect my divorced status.

Lots of those goals are superficial. They were goals, of course, but not things that I really had to put a lot of thought into and some of them, like the TV, dishwasher, and my hysterectomy were not really goals that I had set out for, but were done out of necessity. I kind of sucked at the goal making this year and in September, I completey forgot to take inventory of what I really did want to accomplish, and then cram it into a few short months.

I do have some goals for this year. THey're small and manageable.
1. Save 300. per pay check
2. pay off all loans
3. reduce spending
4. Exercise at least 4 times a week once I get the ok from the doctor.
5. lose 20 pounds by June.
6. finish some of the simple home projects.
7. Keep in better contact with friends and family...Be a better friend/sister/etc,.

I have to admit it....

I have fallen in love with the colour blue again. Prussian blue has long been a favourite but I have always had an aversion to Royal blue, UK blue, and baby blue. Lately I like lighter shades such as a steely grey blue...cadet blue in a box of crayons. Perwinkle...more of a purplish blue, cornflower, and sometimes a greyed down aqua blue, very light. Accented with cream and white it is very peaceful, calm and soothing. In Lexington I saw several adorable light aqua houses that are etched in my mind. They were unique houses in their own right, but all the more unique because of their sweet colours. If I ever go back, I will be sure to take a camera.

15 things that bring joy

1. Knee sox
2. mom's fruit cake that one day I will try to replicate.
3. Smart kids
4. unconditional love
5. The way my animals trust me (see #4)
6. Sunlight in all of it's forms...morning, high noon, and the warm glow of the setting.
7. Beautiful music
8. Beautiful art
9. dancing, either watching or doing, but not watching myself do.
10. a brand new box of crayons
11. Long drives in the country
12. that first taste of the finest chocolate.
13. March 17
14. Water..in a pool, in a stream, in an ocean, in a river, in a lake and even in a tub.