Got an "A" in my class. Still 4.0. Great, but a lot of pressure to keep it up. If I can get through tw0 more classes without a blemish I will be good to go until I decide to go back for my Phd. Pfft. Don't laugh. I could you know. Why not? What else am I going to do with my time and money? I may as well.
Tomorrow is the last day before Xmess break. I have no idea why I feel so hostile right now, but I just want to shout out a hearty Fuck YOU to a good portion of the people out there in the world. Not for any good reason, and nothing personal. I just feel like lashing out at someone, anyone, and perfect strangers are better than those I love right now. Mostly better than lashing out at her, my mother. She has become so disagreeable since she has been ill and I have to pretend that I am agreeing with her. I don't want to hear about her Bush worship. I don't want to hear about her hating the liberals, and blaming every goddamn thing on those damn liberals. She has become beyond ultra conservative. It creeps into every goddamn sentence. Mom, You are wrong. God doesn't belong in the schools, Happy holifuckingdays is just as good as saying Merry motherfucking Christmas, I support Gay rights and think they should be able to marry. I support Abortion rights, and thank God I still have the ability to control my own reproductive choice should the need come about. And I can't remember what the hell else it is that bugs the crap out of me, but just can it for a while willya? Oh, and I am sorry for whatever it was I did when I was 5 fucking years old. I am now 37. Can we let it go? Quit thinking you know me when you refuse to acknowledge that I haven't been that way in years.
Yeah, I love you, and I feel guilty. I feel guilty because of a lot of things that I feel for you. Things that can't be said.
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