mind clutter?

I wonder sometimes, should I keep this journal, along with all the other journals I have kept throughout the years? Sure, they are filled with sweet thoughts of love, hopes, and dreams that have come true, and those who have yet to be realised. Then there are the entries of pain and anger. Some are incredibly bitter. Do I want to hold on to that person? Should she be kept there for rememberance sake? as a reminder of what I am capable of so I am not suprised that I can be that vicious or so that I can see that I have come so far? I am not ready to part with them yet.

To switch gears, I ran into a friend of Mike's today. Of course I am looking like hell with no make up on, bloated and fat as hell. This guy, K, hadn't seen Mike except once in 2 years he said. We talked a little about how Mike just up and left with so little warning. He told me Mike had done the same to his sister and that was pretty much what Mike was all about. I am better off, I know. I wonder what my life would have been like had I not met Mike. I think it has actually been ok. There are a lot of opportunities that I have had because of him when I really think about it so all was not wasted.

My allergies are in high gear right now. Seems early, but maybe they will be gone early too? I hope. I bought an extention cord for the hedge trimmer today and I trimmed up the bushes around the house. They're pretty goofy looking. I finally figured out how to get the weed eater started and then the string was done. Now I can't get the knob off to change out the string, nor could my neighbour. I will take it to the Home Depot and see if they can fix it for me. I would like to get an electric one because of enviornmental concerns and cost. They're also lighter weight and I don't want all that gas stored in my garage.

Only three more days of state testing and then it will be all down hill at school. I will be working the summer fair the last weekend in may/1st of june! I am excited about that.

No Truer words...

Today's Gemini Horoscope: Apr 20, 2008
If you analyze your life, you will see that it has completely changed over the past twelve months, dear Gemini. You have matured as an individual, and your actions have only been beneficial to yourself and those around you. Try to make changes as often as you can. You can't stop now! You need to feel that your life is evolving all the time. There is no time to rest! More...

another good bye...

I think it is.
There's been no contact or return of text messages or emails or phone calls. No effort in this early stage so I believe it is done. He lost that lovin' feelin' whoa that lovin' feelin'. It makes me sad. It also takes off pressure of the distance and figuring out how that was going to work. It could have worked if we wanted it bad enough. The thing is, now I am afraid I am going to lose all the wonderful inpiration I got from knowing him. Maybe I really didn't fall for him. Maybe I fell for his style. I dunno. He was like I would like to be. Now that I am rejected though I have my doubts about whether or not I am supposed to fit that life. Why do I need someone else to change? I am not a chameleon. I am myself. I need to learn to be myself.

Today is...

an anxious day
a mild day
a venting day
a wild day
a boring workout day
a sore day
a tired day
a nostalgic bittersweet day