Wednesday, December 31, 2008

And in 12 minutes....

It will be 2009 (or maybe by the time I write this it will already be). I am very much ready for the new year.

The last few years recap...
2002 Dad died
2004 mom diagnosed with Cancer
2005 not much going on, just coping
2006 Mom died, Mike left.
2007 Summer drought, Mike divorced me, Derek nearly died, Julie moved away, bought my house .
2008 Not too bad. Not bad at all. Lots of home improvements and personal gains emotionally.
2009...I am even more ready!

Welcome, and to everyone else, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

How odd...




I went out today and finally bought some new furniture. Earlier this year (in the summer) I found a couch that I really liked but didn't buy it then. I went to the same store (different location) and saw it again on clearance so I bought it plus two end tables, a cocktail table and a chair and ottomon. It will be delivered on the 3rd. anyway, I just now read my horoscope for today which I now realise is tomorrow (is it really 1:12 am?) and this is what it says...


Today's Gemini Horoscope:Dec 31, 2008
Today you and the other members of your household might discuss the possibility of making some changes, dear Gemini. This might involve some redecorating, remodeling, or even something as mundane as a thorough cleaning. However, it could also involve the possibility of making a move to a different place. The need for change in your surroundings is apparent, so don't hesitate. Initiate the first steps!

So, I suppose the stars were all lined correctly for me to get my perfect sofa and furniture. seriously, I looked all over for a sofa that I liked and found none that I liked as well as this.










Sunday, December 28, 2008

Traditions...
















Today I took down my tree and while in the process, I dragged up all the Christmas stuff that was downstairs in the basement. I threw a lot of ornaments away that I didn't like and that did not reflect me and I found a lot of ornaments that I'd long forgotten about. Last year, 2007, was the year that I took Christmas back. I put up the big tree, strung the lights, but barely put any ornaments on it because of the cats (which blackie did find her way right into the middle of the tree).

Last year was a start but it didn't become a tradition. It was more of an attempt but not really sure where to go with it. I took the tree down two days after Christmas, I think, because it was important to get it down and get the new year started.

This year I had bought a small tree and I decorated it nicely but it did not hold all those favourite sentimental ornaments that I like (but didn't know that I had anyway). When I was going through all the ornaments, I did it in silence. So many were wrapped in yellowed newspapers and kept in old shopping boxes labeled Pogues and LS Ayers, which later became Hesses and then it was gone. One of them even had Happy Birthday Mom, from Roxanne and Kissy. I kind of felt bad for throwing them away but really, an old box that I have only seen maybe 4 times in the last 15 years? It's time to let it go. It is not like I am going to forget the names of my family and what is so great about remembering old stores that are long gone? Nostalgia I suppose. Just like the kids today love to shop at Abercrombie et al... When they get ot be my age, it will be something new. Maybe the Florence Mall, which was such a big deal when I was small, will be bulldosed over like the McAlpin's mall was. Some new concept to take it's place.

Anyway, back on topic. New tradition...Putting the tree up around the first week of Dec. and taking it down two-three days later (definitely by the 30th though). Brunch at Denice's, Going down to P. Park with the siblings to see their dad. I had fun and it was nice to feel included. Going through the ornaments and reassessing what I want to keep (because I know there were some that were boarderline). This Christmas was different than last year because I enjoyed it more fully as a single woman who was able to do what she wanted, when she wanted it and make her own way. It makes me feel both proud and secure to have that piece/peace.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Movies and thoughts...

Last night I watched the movie, The Women. The movie was about a woman (Meg Ryan) whose husband had an affair with Eva Mendez's character (who wouldn't?). Meg's closest friends knew about it before she did but Meg did, soon after, find out on her own. The movie was about betrayal. Betrayal between spouses, betrayal between friends, family, and most of all the betrayal to yourself. In the end, all bonds are in the state of repair and the divorce papers are never signed. Through out the whole movie, not one man is shown. Not her husband, not her best friend's male coworkers or her friend's husbands...none. The only male shown was at the end when her eternally pregant friend finally gives birth to the son she had been wanting in that complete cliche that the birth of a baby is hope born and fresh starts and yaddah yaddah, yaddah. So lame of an ending, but the movie was ok.

Anyway, people kept trying to get Meg to find where she was culpable in the destruction of the marriage. She was in denial saying she wasn't culpable, she was the perfect wife etc. The deeper meaning of this movie was that yes, she was the supportive wife, the good mother, the home maker and commitee person to this that and the other cause, but she was not true to her. That was her culpability. She couldn't be a good anything because she wasn't good to herself.

It hit home. For the last two years I wanted to deny any part I had in my failed marriage. After all, I was the supportive wife who basically put him through law school, stood behind him when he decided to quit his regular job and try the stock market and then write a book. I thought I praised him enough when he did things around the house.... I did all that. But, I did not do any of those things for myself. I even put aside grieving for my mother so that I didn't disturb him.

Even my friendship with Julie became tainted with sadness and disappointments. I wonder how many other people saw this passive and apathetic person.

One of the things that Meg did in the movie was make a vision board. It was labeled What do I want? She would add drawings to it, pictures, words, etc. A friend of mine brought in a book about making vision boards so I was somewhat familiar with what they were. It has to do with the laws of attractions which the book The Secret is based on. I have been wanting to make a vision board for a while but haven't gotten around to it. I am inspired to do my own *What do I want?* vision board. It seems that is a good jumping off point.

Which leads me to this...

Creativity. That is what I want. I have forgotten how to be and at one time that was such a joy in my life. I want that back. I found this... 21 ways to be more creative. Another starting off point. :)
http://christinekane.com/blog/21-ways-to-be-more-creative/#comment-200703