Stuff and stuff

To keep track

Saturday I took mom's dog to the vet because there is no way she can handle a giant ill trained german Shepard. My arm is still sore.

Sunday (mother's day) the sisters and I got together at mom's house because she wanted us to go through the things she has and sort out what goes where when she dies. I could tell my sis Rox had been crying that day. We don't cry in front of mother though. We managed some laughs actually laughing so hard that I cried. Probably because that is what I really wanted to do. I cry when I type this out because that is the time that I can get it all out. I am amazed at just how much this actually physically hurts my heart, my throat, every part of my body. I miss my mom so much and she is still here. I hate this so much that I want to hurt something/ someone, but at the same time anyone else's pain makes me sad for them too. I just want everyone and everything to be ok. I feel cowardly because I wish it were me so I didn't have to watch them suffer.

I am angry and I am hateful today. I hope it will pass again soon.