Tomorrow is...

The first day of spring.
Where did march go?
Where did the last three months go?
Where did the last 8 months go?
Where did my life go?
Was I asleep?
Am I awake yet?
Or am I stuck in the dreaming?

Tease tease...

It is cold today. I know how march is with the teasing. Sometimes the teasing is fun. It keeps you looking forward. Today, not so much. I want it warm. I want to be outside digging in the dirt, taking long walks, and driving with the sunroof open. I want school to be over. I am finished mentally. I need a break and not just that piddly week of spring break. I know it will go by quickly. It already has.

Whine whine.

Ok, goals.
eh, forget it. I will write some another time.

So here it is

A day of peaceful feelings? Maybe. I haven't decided yet.

Sometimes all I want to do is get on the phone and tell you...Come home. I miss you. Then I remember that I don't have to worry about disappointing anyone. And it is good.

There is..

Greenery sprouting up all over.
At school, there were pansies planted in the large concrete planters. They are the ultimate party flowers. The first to endure the cold spring and the last to leave when fall chill sets in. They are a comfort to me. My favourite flower just because of their tenacious nature. Strong and unafraid. Dependable.

Today I feel better. Today I feel like a pansy. Funny that.

Today is..

Tired.
Sad for the first time in a few months.
Confused again. Where did I put my goals and dreams?
A thinner day. That is good.
A visionary's day. I have the visions I just can't express them.
A day where your throat hurts because of the lump you are trying to swallow. I envision cutting it out. I want to make a blue painting. Picasso are you listening?

Today was a beautiful day. Sunny and mild, no need for a jacket. Still, I am cold. I haven't cried in months and even then I could't bring myself to cry all that much. My eyes don't work anymore. It just gets stuck in the throat.

Today is a day...

For listening to dark and broody music.
For cleaning out the clutter that is crowding my world and suffocating me.
For leaping and twisting in a manic frenzy to expel the angry energy.
To scream
To cry like a blood letting. Just because I can.

No, it is not what you think.

Time change

I can't remember all the plans I was making before december. I know I was looking forward to the spring and summer and I still am, but now everything is up in the air and unfocused again. That leaves me with a combination of feelings. Sad, excited, scared and maybe a little lonely. I am looking forward to the early time change and the day ending at near 8 oclock instead of 7. I think it will lift my mood some and maybe help me to remember what I had planned before the world turned upside down on me. Upside down is not so bad. It is an interesting view if you know what to look for. Change in perspective is always a good thing.

What have I learned? At the risk of sounding jaded, which I try to remain unjaded, I have learned that most people don't give a damn about learning about anyone. Or maybe it is just me. Am I too much an open book that noone seems to be curious? Or am I too closed up that people are afraid to ask? I always want to know someone's story but am reluctant to talk about myself unless asked. No one asks. Today I feel disgruntled about the human state. I don't know why. I just do. I am sure it will be short lived.

Today is

Saturday
Cold
Snow/rain mix and windy
Sit in the bath of scalding hot water to get warm kind of day
A mentally creative day but not so much a physically creative one
A day to watch the cats snuggle
A day to play good music
A day to dress up
A day to meet a new person
A day to have jitters
A good day