June...

Yesterday 16th was my birthday. Since I didn't throw myself a party, the only people who remembered it was my birthday were my sister, niece, and my best friend.

M came over today with the divorce papers. Today he found out exactly how I feel. It was nice to get it off my heart though my eyes are sore, red and tired.

I am really tempted to get a dog. I fell in love with one and I already named him Fernando. I will call him Fred for short. We'll see. I don't think my cats will forgive me though they do well when Lucy comes to stay. I need someone to watch over me. God knows cats make lousy guard animals.

June 14th 2007

Today I got my diploma in the mail. My mailman actually brought it to the door because he didn't want it to get bent and he congratulated me. It was sweet of him. In the past 5.5 months, I have spoken to my soon to be Ex about 10-12 times. He never calls. So much for caring about me and wanting to continue some sort of a relationship. You know he wanted to get back together in April. Said he wanted to call more and stop over more. He never followed through. I would have gotten back with him back then if he had shown any effort. What a stranger he has turned out to be. I mourn the death of the man I thought was my husband. It is actually easier to think of it as a death because death is not personal.

Here is my wish for him:
I hope he becomes "motivated"
I hope he knocks up some starry eyed younger girl
I hope he is forced to pay child support and is hounded every day of his miserable life by someone he does not love and he CAN'T walk away from.
Better yet, I hope he marries her and she gets knocked up a couple of more times and nags him to death while his kids grow up completely fucked up (cuz he is far from fatherhood material) and hate him for it.

Oh if all of that happens, I know he will lie to himself and to everyone else and exclaim how happy he is and how fatherhood has made him a better person (tm). I know better. He had the best life possible with a wife who accepted him as he is, believed in him, and gave him the freedom and trust to grow and be happy. I hope he gets every god damned thing he deserves and more.

What will happen to me? Well, I know that I can't get myself into a hopeless situation because women hold all the cards in that way. I will live my life, unappologetic. Free. determined to be happy and successful in my job and life. Maybe someday I will find someone. Maybe not. Maybe I will make great long lasting friendships. Maybe I will travel ('specially to a certain southern city if your reading crazy lady:) ). Short-term goals include fixing up my house and buying cool shit!!!

Today I am happy. Why shouldn't I be?