updates

I finally am a graduate. 4.0 BTW.
School/work is winding down and the wind down is giving me time to think. Not pleasant thoughts. I never finished mourning my mother, barely even started mourning my marriage.

My hair is falling out. Fairly large clumps are left in each shower. I know it will grow back but I don't know what else will be waiting around the corner. My body seems to like to spring on new illnesses once all the stresses have settled down or at least they seem to settle down. I am tired all the time. Even falling asleep in the chair as soon as I come home from work. Half the time I don't even remember feeling sleepy or even what was going on before I fell. It is weird. As if I lose time or something. I wake up kind of disoriented and confused. When I need to function though I am so incredibly good at doing what needs to be done. In that way, I have been proud of myself.

I may be working this summer. It will be a nice diversion. It isn't that I need the money, though the house will need repairs and I am really looking forward to buying my own furniture someday. Really. Nothing belongs to me except a few appliances, the beautiful flatware I bought last year and my bedroom set that I bought as a high school graduation present for myself. Nearly everything in this house belonged to someone else and non of it reflects my style or taste. I don't know what my style is even.

So, things to look forward to...
Being a home owner (within months)
doing the things *I* want to do with the house.
having freedom and independence to be proud of.