It's about time...

Today's Gemini Horoscope for November 29, 2007
What do you have to lose, dear Gemini? The planets are shaking you like a fruit tree in the hopes of ridding you of your old objectives to make way for new growth. You feel doubt where once there was only certainty. When you consider the worst that can happen, it may help you realize that what you are clinging to so dearly really is not all that important to you. It's time to let go and begin anew. More...

Tuesday, November 27, 2007 has come and gone. Wednesday I got my papers in the mail. And now it is as if it never existed. I can't wait until I have the cash he owes me and every little article of possessions he ever had here is GONE! I still feel like I am in the mourning process but it is less. It is final and there is nothing I can do about that....but there is so much I can still do. The horoscope is right. Begin anew indeed!

Tomorrow...

I will be unmarried. Just like that. No ceremony, no certificate, nothing. He just goes to the courthouse signs something and a few days later I guess I get some kind of confirmation in the mail. I didn't expect it to hurt this bad. I just want this pain to end.

Stages...

The stages of recovery (and you can be stuck in one stage then move on to the next then jump back to the first stage, etc......).
1. Anger - you broke up and you're pissed and mad. Screw them.
2. Shock - relationship ends, you're in disbelief think maybe in a week they'll call and everything will be ok again. Did we really end it this time?
3. Fear - "Oh no! - did we really break up for good?" It's been a few weeks and you haven't heard from them you do a 360 and start wondering what the ex is doing - why hasn't he/she called by now?
4. Obsession - what are they doing, where are they, how could they end it or (if you ended it) - is this the right thing? What if I screwed up? What if no one else loves me or comes along. You go into fatal attraction mode obsessing and thinking way too much. Everything reminds you of your ex.
5. You suddenly want back what you had. This is the danger zone here - you might suddenly call them, want to send emails or letters, etc. You can lose your marbles during this particular stage and think you'll do anything to get them back. This is where you have to stop yourself at all costs. This stage is the longest......you hate them-it's over, you miss them more than life and want them back - you yo-yo and obsess and drive yourself bonkers
.6. Light at the end of the tunnel. After stage 5 and 5-6 months has passed you suddenly start laughing again and then catch yourself going for more than an hour without thinking about your ex.
7. You no longer have obsessive desires to contact your ex - you actually start thinking "What the hell did I ever see in them?". You start feeling better and your friends welcome you back to reality.
8. You know if you ran into your ex you wouldn't shake at the knees and become irrational - you'd either avoid them or say "Hi, I'd love to chat but I've gotta be somewhere in five minutes - SEE YA!".
9. You can go out for margaritas and enjoy looking at the opposite sex!
10. You can look back at photos of your ex and not think twice - instead you pack up their memories, store them away and think of other things you need to do instead of sit crying over them.

Today's Gemini Horoscope for November 22, 2007
A partner for life or a brief encounter. Which will it be? This is the question of the day. Why not choose both? Can't you imagine being your partner's lover and also simultaneously keeping your independence? Don't let yourself be influenced by old models that force you to choose between these two ideas. Don't forget that in our modern world, your choices aren't as limited as you might think they are!


Which will it be indeed. Where am I to pick from?

There was a day...

There was a day that i wanted a camel, a llama and a book filled with wonderous illustrations of faeries.

There was a day that I wanted to leave home so badly. Escape.

There was a day that I wanted to come home so badly. Escape.

horoscopes...

Just once I would like it to read Leo: You really fucked things up and now you will spend the rest of your life in the regret hole and never be able to dig yourself out...too bad, so sad.

Gemini: You will never have a bad horoscope. Just enough downs to give you perspective and appreciation for the good in your life, but you are charmed.

Taurus (men): Stay away from gemini. she does not like you. You are weird. Same for Capricorn.

One year ago today...

I was driving up to my sister's house to meet my niece for the very first time. My sister had given her up for adoption 28 years ago (Sept. 11, 1979) and they found each other through some on line adoption/birth parent search. I just went to her wedding in September (the 22nd). It was a great time.

One year ago Julie and I decided to start working out in the basement. Very shortly after, Mike decided to keep working out and changed. Hmmm. I still wonder if he was somehow having an affair. I wonder if he met Gina at Frank and Keri's house Dec. 2nd when they had the wine tasting at their place. I remember he stayed out very late then. It's the helliday season. I am bitter.

How can that be true?

It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

Yeah. Right up there with whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Truth is, today life is killing me.

domestic drones...

The smell of the day is oranges.

I used to like the fresh mountain breeze of Mr. Clean. It reminded me of the print room at school when we had to clean our silk screens. When I started to live on my own, that is the cleaner that I bought. Later the scent became a part of everyday life and associated with all that was...

I thought about pinesol. I think it is too harsh, too institutional. The lemon scent always reminded me of Joy dish detergent that mom bought because it was cheap and I longed for the soft pretty smell of palmolive and Madge saying "you're soaking in it"! I liked doing dishes at Lori's house because her mom bought Pinesol and Palmolive. I buy AJax lavendar dish soap now. It is fresh and invigorating! Oh yes, it certainly is.

For general cleaner, I couldn't decide on the orange or the lemon scent since the mountain fresh scent is almost gone. I got them both. Right now there is the scent of oranges lingering. I am not sure how I feel about it.

9 days

Still not smoking. I had also gained 10 lbs this month but just lost 5 in the last 2 days because I got back on track there too. I have a tendency to go from careless to ultimate control phreak and the pendulum has swung back to control phreak. That feels safe right now. I feel happy when I am in control.

This week is only a four day week because of election day. I am thinking of getting some paint and painting this office. I want a warm colour because when it is dark in here it just seems so cold but when the sun finally makes its way in here during the late afternoon- early evening hours the room is a total glow and magical looking room. I want to enhance that. Perhaps a warm terra cotta deep red with a light golden yellow. Or make the whole room a light golden yellow. Gah. I don't know. I want to go bold. What i REALLY want is deep purples, midnight blue and gold but the room is much too small for that. Why must I always be so practical? Maybe i can find some bargain paints to experiment with.