Number 16, dreams and more...

I haven't seen number 16 since we last went out and the woman answered his phone. Haven't even spoken to him.

I am corresponding with a guy on facebook that I had exchanged a few emails with on match before I had met Richard. As soon as I sent the first email I cursed myself. I don't know why I keep forcing myself to date when I don't even think I am all that interested in men anymore. I don't hate men. they're fine to have as friends but seriously, I just don't see the point of dating sometimes. That is until I have heavy furniture to move. I don't know why I never think about asking the boy next door to help me move some shit. I could give him 20 bucks to help me for 20 minutes and he'd think he won the lottery. And I don't have to call him back, praise him, or do any favours (eewww cuz that would make me a ped). I need to ask my neighbour to show me how to use the circular saw.

Sometimes I get lonely. But here's where the childfree issue comes up. I am so damn sick of having to rearrange my schedule or have a moment's notice because they suddenly don't have the kids. I totally understand the kid thing and that I have more flexibility but I hate that they get pissed off when the timing is off and I can't accommodate them. I hate that kids become an excuse for not calling to cancel a date...at all (JP, which is why you are gone). Oh and the drama with the mamas. GAH! All I want is to be just enough of a priority in the beginning to respect enough to meet half way. Otherwise what is the point?

Dreams. I dreamed of him but I can't even remember what it was. It was a couple of days ago and it was another of the sort that he wanted to get back together but I didn't. I remember feeling bad for him, not hateful. I will take it as a good thing but it still hurt. Those times I do get lonely I hate that I think of him living a happy life with her (though in all reality, it probably isn't anywhere near the relationship I would like to have). I know I idealise them being so happy together and starting a family. I picture them as little mushy commercials you see around the holidays from jewelry stores. I know he can be sweet and romantic in small ways. I know he's good in many ways, but I also know what he's like otherwise.

I also had weird dreams that had to do with monkeys and other stuff. Mom might have been in the weird dreams too.

Lastly. This week I am settling the estate, and I have my evaluation on Wed. After this week, things will be looking up.

Basement all dug out.
Flower bed in back before
Gravel added
Cemented over very smoothly (unlike the mess that Mike made). There is also the white vapor lock covering around the edge of the wall too. At this point they had sprayed down the walls because of the dust and all and the walls actually look cleaner than they have in years. COOL! Lots of work still needs to be done. Cleaning walls, and figuring out what to do with the floors. I am thinking peel and stick tiles might work. There are REALLY nice Options out there. They look like real wood or real stone. but a fraction of the cost. Good for a temporary fix (as in 10 years or so).

This is the flower bed after it has been dug up. The rocks and all that stuff has been over turned so it is one big dirty mess right now. The garage is all dusty and dirty, but I have managed to throw away a ton of stuff. I still have some big boards that need to be cut down and pitched. I am thinking I can use my circular saw on some of the tree branches that I have in my hard too and use those for fire wood. I am happy to have my basement done. It feels like a huge relief and weight off of my chest. It has been something that I wanted done forever and I have dreamed about having a nice useable space down there. Now I may have one. Of course, it remains to be seen, the first hard rain that we have. I think a huge relief too has been getting rid of all the *stuff*. I think having too much stuff is stressful. You know it is there requiring attention or at the very least it is taking up space and harbouring memories that may be too painful to remember but too painful to let go at the same time. The best thing to do, I think, is to let it go. It hurts for a moment (comparatively) but in the long run it is better than the prolonged hanging on.

Oh, I did manage to get the guys to pitch the lava rock for me. That was a HUGE relief because it was taking up 4 large trashcans and I didn't know what to do with them as I previously posted.

There is more and more that I want to do. It has been a very productive year with the home improvements so far.

Tomorrow the basement should be finished. I will be glad. It hasn't been a huge disruption but still, it is people coming and going in the house. Today it looks like it is going to rain. I hope it doesn't because I don't have a window downstairs yet. Plus, there is still a giant hole in the back window well.

I saw number 16 last night. We went to the Pub for a very short time before he had to go pick up his son. He looked very sexy btw. While we were there, his phone went off and the lady who was sitting next to us told him his phone was going off (it was situated slightly behind him). She was an attractive blond in her thirties sitting with an attractive brunette. They were part of some large party of 35 people or so. Any way, it was Dan's son calling to come get him. We waited for the bill and his phone went off again (neither of us hearing it) The next thing you know, the brunette was handing him his phone AFTER SHE ANSWERED IT! Dan was pissed (rightfully so) and trying to figure out how he was going to explain this woman answering his phone. The kids still don't know he's dating and he said he was going to run a quick errand. Dan gave her the third degree and I don't even think the dumbass felt bad. The blonde who was with her appologized and offered to send Dan a bottle of wine (they were out of towners). I still can't understand what would possess someoen to answer someone else's phone!!

How funny...

The last few days i have been busy tearing out the shelving units that were put up in the basement and scooping out as much Lava rock as i possibly can before Everdry comes tomorrow. I bought a circular saw yesterday so that I can cut up all the wood into smaller pieces. I am going to see if maybe I can ask the guys doing the basement if I can give them a few bucks to haul aways the four large garbage cans of lava rock. I don't know what I am going to do to get rid of those! I suppose i can put them back in the garden, but I really hate to do that. I HATE those things.

Anyway, here was my horoscope today...

Today's Gemini Horoscope:Oct 12, 2008
The desire to beautify your home in some way could hit you full force today, dear Gemini. Perhaps you're expecting visitors or house guests, and want to make a good impression. You could find yourself prowling through antique stores, looking for pictures or knickknacks. You might, however, set your sights on doing something that's a bit more ambitious than you originally planned. Enjoy yourself, but be careful! You don't want to tire yourself out.

I will post pictures of before and after someday. I just hope there IS an after.

Today...

Was a beautiful day. It was warm, about 80 something. Unusual for this time of year. Not a cloud in the sky and I suppose it was the angle of the sun now but the sky was a beautiful cerulean blue. Everything looked glowing with the contrast of the orange and red leaves, as pitiful as they are this dry fall. They're not that brilliant. I spent the day driving up to Ohio to drop off some paper work for my sisters to finalize the estate settlement. I had put it off so long, not wanting to deal with it and not knowing how difficult it would be. Fear made me procrastinate but now that I am going to be charged 10.00 a day after thirty days, it kind of lit a fire under my feet. It really is quite simple. I have to stop being afraid of stuff and putting stuff off. Why do I do that? It is crippling, this weird anxiety of simple things that I have. I cope, I have gotten better, but it rears its ugly head sometimes.

The good part of all this is that I spent the day with Kayla (my niece) and we had a great time. We went to eat and then went to Pier One and compared styles. She and I share a brain on many things. She is all about all things sex. Completely boy crazy and i worry about that. She is me.

Cirque Du Soleil was good. Was it as good as Quidam? I don't know. Different. Some things were just amazing. The poles. OMG. fantastic. Everyone should see a Cirque show if they get the chance though. Well worth the price and hard to be disappointed. Soon I really want to see a show in Vegas or Fla. or anywhere.

Tomorrow....

I go to cirque Du Soleil!!!!! Yay.

I am putting together a book of ideas for what I want to do with my house. It is all about colour and patterns and international flair. Think bohemian. Think Gypsie. Think eclectic old and new with lots of textures. It will be whimsical and happy and perhaps have even a little bit of tack with it. Sure, it is not going to pass the test of designed to sell and all those staging shows where everything is all neutral and boring, but that is ok. Paint is easy to fix if I ever need to or decide to move. Since it won't be for a long while, I may as well pack in my own personality and flair. I want everything to be pier one imports look. In fact, I got most of my inspiration pictures from their sales catalogues.