this Friday will be the one year anniversary of my mom's death. My sister is coming over and a bottle of crappy wine called 4 sisters awaits us even though two of my sisters won't be here for the life rememberence. That is ok though. I should get some nice snacks and some of mom's favourite candies for us to enjoy. I want to make it special.
The summer for me is almost over. Next week I will be participating in the summer ready program for school. It only is four hours a day, and then a week off before we have to get back to the grind. It will be weird going back to work this August and not having to worry about taking classes. Geesh. I will actually have some kind of life during the fall and winter months.
It used to be that I dreaded the days getting shorter. June 21st was the worst time because the days got shorter so quickly. Now it isn't so bad. I can't say that I am a 100% ready to go back to work because we have a lot of changes this year, but I am not agonizing over it like I was this time last year. Well, I guess I wasn't really agonizing over much of anything except the loss of my mother really.
Things are still confusing with my love life. M is supposed to come over tonight. And yes, I did see SO the other day. It was good. Realistically if I put things into perspective though, the newness of a relationship is always so intoxicating. But there is let down. There is uncertainty. Up until this last crazy year, I had always considered myself lucky to have M in my life.. I don't know what will happen but love is more than sex and having a good time. it is committment. We were once very committed to each other. Maybe we can be again. God I wish I could know if the future was worth it. I am not a gambler, though I really don't know what the safer path would be.
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