Today I feel like crap. So I hadn't written about the man that I have been seeing since March 3rd. He is a great guy and we've spoken every day since and have seen each other 2-3 times a week. I could have fallen in love with him. I was on the verge but keeping it tempered because I didn't want to be a rebound user (I have been the rebound girl before and it sucked). I guess I am a rebound user anyway. For the last couple of weeks, M and I have discussed getting back together. He doesn't want the divorce now even though I signed the papers. I feel I owe it to our marriage to see if we can work it out. Yesterday I told my Significant Other of 4 months that M and I were going to get back together and that I couldn't work on my marriage with him in the picture. Not those exact words, and not that cold. I told him over the phone because M threw a wrench in our plans for dinner by deciding to come over. After M left I had called him and then he came over later.
I can't stop crying. I figure I just hate the finality of things. Or maybe it is sleep deprivation from listening to a screeching puppy all night long (more about that later but right now I just need to yell into the big black void). Maybe I am crying because I fear I am making the biggest mistake of my life. Funny how you want to hold onto something when you know you will never see it again. I am sure I would feel the same if M went ahead and filed those papers. It is a no win situation. I just wish I had a crystal ball to tell me what would be the right choice. I hate this.
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