Dream...

This morning I woke up with that really heavy pounding in my chest and kind of gasping for air. I had a very strange dream. I dreamed that Mike and Gina were moving into my house. On the plus side, she was not attractive at all (but she was really nice). What bothered me most about this dream was not that they were happily together, but that Mike decided to put in new kitchen cabinets.. They were horrendous!! They were dark brown wood with very heavy wood grain kind of like this http://www.jgmfaux.com/HonduranMahogany.jpg only bad. It wasn't a warm colour but more a dark dull brown on the greenish side, if that makes sense. The cabinets were useless. There was this really small narrow drawer space that looked more like a keyhole than a drawer and it was set into a very large cabinet. They didn't fit the space well and they clashed even more horribly with the already awful yellow countertops.

In my dream I was holding a very large knife and Mike was fearful I was going to do something with it. I don't know why I was holding it but I remember being insulted that he thought I would care enough to be violent. I told him the house was mine and he needed to get rid of the cabinets and bring back the old ones. He was at a loss and pissed because he thought he had done such a wonderful job. Plus I guess because he knew he would owe me money. Oh, I never have gotten the 2,000 dollars he told me he would pay. I never will. That is ok. Goes more to prove his character than anything else and helps me to realize he wasn't anything near the man I thought he was. Anyhoo, I pretty much woke up then.

If I am going to analyze why I dreamed this, I would have to chalk it up to boredom and my demon I was fighting yesterday. He was on my mind for no apparent reason other than, I guess, I wasn't living up to my own potential and occupying my own time. I also curse him because of the damn lava rocks and I am thinking I really need to get rid of them around the house because when it gets to waterproofing, those are all going to have to be dug out and I DON'T want them getting burried in the back fill. And I think about all the shit he tried to improve here but really fucked up even more (like the basement perimiter when he tried to do his own water proofing). After 10 years of marriage, I got a great deck, I got to meet my father, and I got through school with his help. What did he get? Freedom to experiment with career options (or lack there of) free room and board for a while, trips to San D and a luxurious lifestyle when we visited my dad, a loving wife who always put his needs first and cared about his happiness, health insurance. And money. Lots of money that didn't belong to him.

I am better off now than he ever will be in all ways. Mostly because I have character. He doesn't.