odds and ends...

I deleted a bunch of emails that I sent and recieved. It really stung but now they don't haunt me. Decluttering the mind, body, and soul.

Richard, you're gone. Wish you well, you ass.

First guy post divorce (John). I know you're around and I can get a hold of you any time. I did let go of all the sweet emails you sent pre your flaking out on me. You're such a turkey but I still like you.

Mike. I still have a few of your e-mails. I don't know why I haven't been able to let go of them yet. I don't even know you anymore and I don't think I would really like you much anyway. That is such a weird feeling considering you were my family for 10 years. Oh well. I still have your dad's flag. You've never gotten back to me about the flag switch. I really don't care. It is just a symbol. I will keep the flag I have, well and in good shape. It will remind me of Nick, and whatever becomes of the one you took (Nick's) I suppose it doesn't matter. It is all from the same cloth, so to speak. Oh, I dreamed of you last night. You wanted to say you were sorry and that you wanted to be friends. You had your hair cut in this ultra trendy style that was far too young for you. You looked desperate to be holding on to some kind of youthful persona but your eyes looked tired and haggard. You looked sad and lonely. I didn't feel bad for you but I also didn't feel joy in my dream either. I wouldn't want to be your friend. You don't know what that means. I do hope you're happy but I would really like for you to stay out of my head.

Barbara Walters...No, I didn't get email from her, I am switching gears. I saw her on Ellen today. I don't normally listen to her glurge but Ellen asked if there was anything she could have changed from her "tumultuous" life (my words not hers, but that is the sentiment that Babs book is portraying...Oh please!)...what would it be? Such a profound answer in it's simplicity, Babs answered that she would have tried to be happier or something like that. Basically saying she would have taken the time to be happy, to MAKE happiness, to LIVE a happier life. That is what I am going to do. I am not going to be passive about it.