I have cleared out the wall book shelf in the office that was formerly Mike's. Instead of being excited I find the whole ordeal surprisingly extremely painful. There are only a few boxes in there that belong to him now and I will try to get those out soon enough. I suppose it would have been more painful to go in there and see it empty after he had finished it than if I took control of the situation and did it myself. All day today I have had to tell myself outloud, it's ok, it's ok, it's ok. It isn't even that the space belonged to mike. It is also Nick's former office, the room he died in and the room that was his shrine until Mike moved in. I have never stepped into that room and claimed it as mine.
Today I DON'T feel like everything is going to be ok. I need to get out of the house and will in a few hours. SO and I are supposed to go out tonight and do something fun. Maybe go dancing.
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