School starts tomorrow and it is a year milestone without mike. I was thinking of how he used to wake up with me and see me off to school and I started to miss him. So, I called him. He immediately began telling me that he had a bunch of boxes and he was getting all of his stuff organized. He also told me he was getting a storage unit and would be picking up the rest of his things in a day or so. He began to close out with OK? I will call you ....I asked if he was busy and he said yes, with trying to organize stuff etc. I told him I really just wanted to call and see how he was doing, and then I told him I miss him. he talked about how yeah, he used to get up with me in the morning and then after a couple of days he would just sleep in. In other words, there was no fond nostalgia on his part. He didn't tell me he missed me or anything reassuring or hopeful. He just told me he was busy getting his act together.
I don't know why I did this other than to confirm what I already knew. He is done with me. I guess I am just still hurt from being thrown out like a piece of trash with no good reason. I am also hurt that I will never know why. Of course I am. But what if he wasn't done with me? I wouldn't have taken him back I don't think. Well, it would take extreme measures on his part anyway and he's never shown that he wants to go to that legnth. I hear judge Judy in my head screaming at me HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE. PUT A PERIOD AND MOVE ON. I miss the man I married. I have to keep telling myself that he doesn't exist anymore.
Today I am feeling like I just can't get through this. My heart hurts, I can't breathe, and I am sick to my stomach. Sure, I guess it doesn't help that I am anxious about school starting tomorrow. God please let things get better and please do not let me become a bitter, angry person.
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